I left all my Journals in Pa, So I have to take a little break or a permanent break from the madness of my past.



It's better to live in the Present though and just slightly reflect on the past, I can't change it and I hope I don't relive it again.


My NYC friends are wealthy, some our wealthy in there own right some our wealthy from old family money. Some I don't want to know where the money comes from but they won't share and I don't ask.


I'm cooking tonight for them in a huge kitchen that made me so happy to see it. They looked at me like I was a freak. I love to cook and They are going to eat a good old fashion meal. No more take out or dinning out.


Last night We had a party, drugs and liqueur there were plenty, I didn't touch the drugs, they wouldn't let me any ways, but the liqueur I had my intake. Top shelf vodka's and whiskey and rum's and coke, wine and so much more. It was a bad choice


The conversation turned into something I knew would happen and I was dreading it. my stomach doing flip flops if the past was brought up. They felt they had to say they were sorry for almost 4 years ago. My darkest hours my darkest days. I tried to laugh it off, But they told me to stop doing it That , that was the moment I changed that I lost myself. They said that they couldn't live with themselves for it.


For those who don't know me well, you probably are confused I don't think I'm ready to share into the darkest thing that happen. It was a lesson a hard lesson, but I learned it. Yes I did forget who I was...no that was the final straw...for it

They gave me apology

Thank you but not from my friends but it still made me feel good, in a strange uncomfortable way.

Thank you.